She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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