im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
