I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
