I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
