he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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