My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
