we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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