So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
