DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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