he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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