google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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