This dress was meant to end up on your floor
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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