so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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