Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh god it's open bar.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
