That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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