the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Less talking, more tequila
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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