Im at strip club and am horny
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You made out with two different species that night
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
