walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
