I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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