that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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