how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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