my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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