she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
