so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
