quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
