ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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