Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
