Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
