You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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