The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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