that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
