he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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