And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
