I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
