Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
