i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
