I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She bit a glass in half.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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