your room smells of hookers.
And success
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
