god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
