Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
