I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
