I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
