Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
North Korea, Best Korea!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
