Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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