It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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