she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
