After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
