Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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