I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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