i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
