i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
