Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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