Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
